Why Alberta's Being So Fucking Stupid Right Now

LANGUAGE WARNINGS: Squandering A Once A Century Opportunity

Can you imagine an inexplicable series of global events that bring together First Nations, B.C. environmentalists, and Quebecers—to back off generations of activism and actually demand pipelines and refineries through their own territories?

And then, just as the spirit of the Canadian public is reorienting around this monumental once-in-a-century shift in political opinion, a idiotic, self-absorbed, self-aggrandizing, civically blind Albertan stands up and tells all these people to go fuck themselves.

That is Canada today.

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Danielle Smith

If you haven’t noticed, there are some very strange behaviours coming from Danielle Smith. Time and time again, throughout this war on Canadian sovereignty, she continues to back away from having Canada’s back.

Listen to this list of demands she publicly stated after meeting with Carney that she says must be met or else she’ll initiate a constitutional crisis.

Yes, you read that right. She threatens to secede from Canada if we don’t let her use plastic straws again…

I realize there is some lowly minority of dim-witted Albertans cheering this on, but honestly, any and all, take that straw and go suck on it.

Because, this is Why You Are A Moron:

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Why You’re a Moron:

1. We Are Your Enemy, Not the Government

Danielle Smith and her Twitter fanbase continue to whine about how the federal government cancelled the Northern Gateway and Energy East pipelines.

News flash, you fucking idiots: the federal government tried to push those projects through. They failed because the Canadian people refused to accept them.

I suspect Quebecers were prepared to go to some pretty extreme lengths to stop Energy East. But I also know firsthand that what First Nations and environmentalists were prepared to do to stop Northern Gateway went way further.

Wanna know how easy it is to keep a pipeline shut down?

Try building one that keeps getting BOMBED.

That’s the level of anger this project was facing.

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Why You’re a Moron:

2. He Bought You a Pipeline

You hate Trudeau for what he didn’t do for you—and yet, he bought you a pipeline.

When blocked by B.C.’s beloved John Horgan, Trudeau did everything he could behind the scenes to move the project forward. In fact, his attempts to support the Kinder Morgan expansion—out of respect for Alberta’s political demands—sparked massive backlash from B.C.’s environmental community.

These are groups I know well. I respect many of their members. And I watched them escalate their tactics as Trudeau tried to appease Alberta.

Eventually, after costly delays, Kinder Morgan realized it couldn’t finish the project.
So Trudeau stepped in. He bought the pipeline himself.

A private company couldn’t override the will of the people. Trudeau made it a national imperative—and that’s the only reason it’s being built today.

We all had our problems with Trudeau. But there is little more pathetic than ungrateful hypocrisy.

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Why You’re a Moron:

3. Oil Isn’t Yours

You think oil is just a natural resource—and that all natural resources fall under provincial jurisdiction, as cited in Section 92A of the Constitution.

You’re wrong. You’re being a fucking idiot. Oil isn’t yours.

Oil is the only material known to man required to run a modern country. It makes some 90% of everything people use. It powers—directly or indirectly—all the functions of modern-day society. And most importantly, tanks don’t run on batteries.
Oil is the most essential material for war.

If you think the country of Canada is going to passively watch itself dissolve into the ownership of another nation just because “the Constitution says natural resources belong to the provinces”—you’re a fucking idiot.

Canada is at war—and it will bite, beg, scratch, barter, and steal like any self-respecting country in history fighting for its survival.

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Why You’re a Moron:

4. You Squandered Your Savings

In the 1970s, both Alberta and Norway established sovereign wealth funds to invest the profits from oil development. But while Norway remained disciplined and grew their fund with long-term vision, Alberta raided its own fund like a piggy bank almost immediately.

Today, Alberta’s fund is worth $22 billion.
Norway’s? Over $1.8 trillion.

...Sorry, was that the feds too?

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From Ontario. Want him to seek more money? Contract ends next year. Don’t be a fucking moron.

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Why You’re a Moron:

5. It Is LEGAL to Secede in Canada!

Here’s the craziest part—far, far crazier than points one through four.

While Danielle Smith threatens a constitutional crisis… while Maple MAGA types cringe about wanting to become American… while that tiny hokey-pokey delegation marches down to the U.S. to ask for statehood…

It is actually legal to secede in Canada. This is the only country in the world where it is.

In the 1998 Clarity Act, the Supreme Court of Canada laid out the legal path to secession. They ruled that a province simply needs to ensure that the referendum question is clear, and the vote is unambiguous. If that happens, the province is then free to negotiate its departure—not just with Ottawa, but with all other provinces and First Nations.

So, this is literally the only place in the world where a provincial population can organize itself, form a political party (as Quebec did), and ask its citizens whether they want to leave—as they’ve done twice already.

So why the uproar about being “trapped” in Canada by so-called federalist oppressors?

Maple MAGA are ignorant, lazy turncoats—lacking even an ounce of courage, dignity, or self-respect to secede lawfully from Canada.

They are fucking morons.

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Why You’re a Moron:

6. Danielle Smith Poised to Betray Canada… AND ALBERTA.

This week, Danielle Smith was in the United States—again—talking to an American power broker: Ben Shapiro. Shapiro is among a collection of podcast elites who got Trump elected, but who have also shifted into heavy anti-Canadian rhetoric over the last several years. Names include Jordan Peterson, Joe Rogan, Elon Musk, and Tucker Carlson.

Tucker is particularly concerning, given that just last year he shared a stage with Smith, where he dog-whistled Albertan separatism all evening long in front of thousands.

But let’s think about it, Smith. What do you think the rest of the country is going to do when you betray Canada to American annexation? How many pipelines do you think they’ll allow—west? East? …South?

This is why you are so fucking stupid: because by committing a historic betrayal of Canada, you will foment hate toward Alberta and sabotage all Albertan industry for generations.

I can just imagine what the oil insurgencies will call the initiative.

How about: EQUALIZATION PAYMENTS?

Enjoy 100% of zero.

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Why So Harsh?:

We all know that maple-ass licking propaganda-pandering MAGA-wanna-be prima donnas are going to sell Canada out the first chance they get, no matter how we talk to them. It is time we finally get clear WHO is merely just amoung them, and WHO they are to the core.

If you want to be American, then no problem, move to America. If you want to be American, but you can’t, then stay here in Canada, but respect Canada for what it is and shut the fuck up about a conversation that thus has nothing to do with you.

Because here’s the thing. IF you want to be American, but you can’t, AND you choose to try and make CANADA into AMERICA for you, you are a seditious, backstabbing, traitor - without dignity, virtue, or honour.

And THOSE people, I am afraid, are very dangerous.

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WASTED OPPORTUNITY:

Letter to Decent, Oil-Loving Albertans,

As Stephen Harper rightly said, no group of people has contributed more money to the Canadian federation than you—and the oil you have produced. You have worked in an industry that delivers a substance I personally consider sacred to all of human civilization. Your hours have been long, hard, and dirty. You have been profoundly underappreciated for what you’ve contributed.

But your oil wealth is not the result of your efforts alone.

ChatGPT estimates that 35–45% of the knowledge behind the technologies used to access the oil sands came from Canadian universities and research institutions. Meanwhile, Alberta contributes around 14.4% to Canada’s tax base (2020), compared to Ontario’s 42% (2021). None of us have gotten to where we are alone.

I’m an environmentalist. There is nothing I want more than clear air, clean water, and green trees flourishing with fauna. Which—believe it or not—is exactly why I now support Canadian pipelines.

If Canada becomes annexed by the United States, they will not tolerate local environmental concerns, nor respect the aspects of this land that I consider sacred to our Canadian way of life. And so—beyond any imagining—I now fully support not only pipelines, but refineries too.

I believe many First Nations and Quebecois are quietly arriving at the same conclusion. Your obsession, Alberta, with fixating on the federal government is no longer relevant—or helpful.

You have a once-in-a-century opportunity to prove yourselves worthy of trust, mutual respect, and national unity. Worried about the financial hit? You’ll be compensated—privately and fairly. Worried about being betrayed by the feds? They couldn’t back out of this plan if they wanted to. This is now, quite literally, a matter of national defense.

In all these years you thought you were getting screwed by the federal government, you were wrong. You were being resisted—by Canadian citizens. The federal government was just the intermediary.

The threat of annexation from the United States is changing every Canadian to their core. We are waking up from generations of peace to realize we now must fight.

But who do we fight?
And who will fight with us?
Are you fighting with us, Alberta? Or against us?

Because while we recognize there are many good-hearted, patriotic Albertans outraged by Smith’s suspicious activity, we’re still not sure which of you are sheep… and which of you are wolves in sheep’s clothing.

A wolf cull is coming. We had hoped you’d be standing beside us.